A few weeks ago we noticed a tiny crack running across the entire ceiling of our bedroom. The kind you couldn’t make out unless you really looked straight at it. We called maintenance and they let us know that unless we clear out all the furniture and other stuff in the room, they couldn’t work on patching up the cracks. Of course, any mention of manual labor is enough to get me to walk the other way so I decided to live with the cracks in the ceiling. “I’ll just check my phone instead of looking at the ceiling every morning after I wake up”, I told myself. Things went along swimmingly until more cracks started showing up on the ceiling and the walls. The paint seemed to peel away from the wall in strips, looking dreadful and it was no longer something we could ignore. We scheduled the repairs for a few weeks later.
This morning I cleared out the bedroom and left the only essential and unmovable (at least by me!) item in there – the bed. It looks like it did the day we moved into this apartment. Stark and austere but also full of promise.
This seems familiar. This reminds me of my life 22 months ago. An empty canvas full of promise.
Since then, I’ve filled my life, slowly and steadily with people, practices and projects (alliteration totally unintended!) that add meaning and value. It has not been easy by any measure. I have received enough judgment and unsolicited advice threatening to shame me and make me forget why I took this big step away from what was a huge part of my life and a major source of my self worth.
Thankfully, I have the good fortune of sharing my life with someone who understands me to my bones, respects me for my values and never lets me forget them. I am also grateful to the cohort of “wholehearted” individuals that have blessed my life with their constant encouragement.
Because of these people in my life, I’ve had many experiences that have been rewarding, authentic and joyful and I’ve committed myself to recognizing this time in my life for what it is – A sacred clearing that has given me the space I needed to get back in touch with who I am once again.
I don’t know what else I will bring into this sacred space that has become my life. Whatever it is, I hope that it will be brought in with intention and purpose. Until then, I’ll enjoy all this extra room. Everything I need is right here with me.